Now I know that I promised you new information on what the real plot story line is with the ABC series, Lost. And I do have it. The information is huge and is taking more time than expected to chart. Rest assured though readers, it is well worth the wait. The information will tell you exactly what is happening and what the "Secrets" actually are. Hopefully by the end of the week, but til then, let's get to tonight's episode.

Will my theory still hold water after the new information is disclosed? What is my Lost theory? I thought you'd never ask. Although it appears the survivors of Oceanic flight 815 are on a tropical island, they are being deceived. There is no island. The survivors are in a virtual reality laboratory. All the castaways are interconnected to one another sharing each others thoughts, memories, and feelings. While in this virtual reality laboratory, a battery of physical and mental experiments are performed on them. And who is behind all this other than the mysterious government men? Aliens of course.

Nothing ever stays buried on this island. And it looks like Nikki and Paulo won't either. After Nikki poisons Paulo with a deadly spider from the school teacher, she herself gets bit. Both become paralyzed for eight hours with the symtoms mimicking death. Not even a doctor could detect the heart rate and breathing. They are both buried alive.

John Locke saves them both. Yes, that is right, Locke. Remember when he happened upon Paulo burying the diamonds in the sand, and Locke tells him that everyone is allowed to have secrets. He also tells him that nothing stays buried on this island. Since everyone is connected via virtual reality, Nikki and Paulo will not stay buried. Nikki was role playing, or day dreaming her TV role in the hit series Expose, and if you recall, when she was killed on the show, the director told her, "You don't need to die, we can bring you back next season." Guess who will be back next season?

We also find out that Nikki and Paulo murdered their sugar daddy for 8 million dollars in diamonds. It seems every castaway had a hand in someone's death, either intentionally or by accident. And how befitting that Nikki and Paulo, who poisoned their victim, making it seem like a heart attack, were both poisoned themselves. Island justice indeed.

In a nutshell, Nikki was playing the biggest role in her career. She was the sweet and innocent bombshell, meek and mild, but underneath, a heartless ***** only out for herself. For 80 days, she had star billing as the island secrets slowly revealed themselves. How convenient the school teacher had captured that spider, and also blabbered on about the poison and mating habits of it. Almost Waynes World like in the roadied having the exact information that Wayne and Garth needed to track down Mr. Big.

Remember, check back in the next few days for the Lost update with the new information received on the series. It is shocking to say the least. At first, you will say, "No way! Can't be true!" But after you read on, you will begin to see the light.



Jericho rules yo.

Lost is like Gilligans Island on acid

People who watch this show have a mental capacity of a Kawasaki Jetski user..

LCDs rule, Plasma stinks like A**..

God Damn Joe Rogan......................mmmmmmmmmmmm

Peace Out Biotches

~D

I bet you are as ugly as you are dumb. Read discredited theories before posting your HUGE news.

I have a theory.

Yo momma looks like Joe Rogan...

Damn,
I need some hot sauce..

Jericho is a great show but not as complex as LOST.... and Carlos Mencia is a better comedian....

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LOST is The ShiZZZZnit

Jericho is the bomb yo. More realistic than Gilligan's Island II. The show is horrid. I prefer eating chocolate puddin from Bill Cosby's ass..

Carlos is a piece of crap, he steals other people's joke. The freaking ESL kills me.

Bobby Lee rules!

Usually people like you who don't understand LOST or don't appreciate it are usually people who are either impatient or are just not smart enough to understand the complexity of it. It's ok though.. I'm sure there are a lot of more simple shows out there for you. There's always Disney Playhouse..

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"You Don't Even Know What Your Running From!"-Jack

Listen Ozzy Gilligan from NJ (Which is NY at low tide) so I assume you smell like **** like your momma...

I think I will call you Forest.. The show has no substance what so ever. It been played out. I'd rather watch the Dutch version of the movie Alive then watch 10 secs of LosT..

Go sit on Ben's face..

John Lee still RULES!!!

correct Os. If you hate the show that much, fret, why are you watching it, and why are you disgracing this nice forum here with your idiotic ramblings? I figure it's because you are dim, have no life, and attack those you feel are smarter than yourself. It's ok, I forgive you.

why so mean to me. I am only 13. Now my dad is mad at me. I just wanted to meet new cute guys with long egos.

correction : Bobby Lee rules!!
THE TEASE

In which we ask the producers of Lost to give us one cryptic sentence that hints at the contents of tonight's episode and totally activates our theory-making imaginations. Or at least, just mine.

Today's tease from executive producer Carlton Cuse, who gives voice to the sentiment that the Lost Fan Nation has been longing to hear:

''For those of you wondering who the hell are Nikki and Paulo, your prayers are about to be answered.''

Yes, kids — a whole episode devoted to Paulo Poops-a-Lot and Little Miss Who-the-Hell-Are-You?! EXACTLY the kind of episode you were clamoring for in the wake of one of the greatest hours of Lost EVER. [Magic Boxes! Locke's Dad! Jack's an Other? Send me your theories at JeffJensenEW@aol.com]

If you sense derisive sarcasm in my voice directed at tonight's flashback stars, I mean merely to report the ''I hate Nikki and Paulo'' sentiment that I hear from fans. Given the decline in viewers over the past month — last week's stellar episode was only watched by 12 million, an all-time low for Lost — I worry that this episode, entitled ''Exposé,'' might be a miscalculation. What the show doesn't need right now is an hour that feels like filler, like that poignant yet seemingly extracurricular Bernard-and-Rose installment last season. It seems to me that Lost has gained a lot of creative traction the past several weeks, and that the Locke episode in particular unleashed some renewed buzz. I hate to see that squandered.

The encouraging news is that the producers wrote this episode fully aware of how many fans feel about Nikki and Paulo, and in fact, I'm curious to see if the story might contain some knowing, possibly passive-aggressive subtext. (I'm intrigued by the scene teased in ABC's promos where it appears that Hurley has found a script for an episode of a TV show that he says is ''one of the greatest hours of television ever" — sounds like some coy wink-wink to me.) Even more promising is that the producers have promised to use the episode to deliver some big twists and important revelations. As executive producer Damon Lindelof told EW in January: ''We had a plan when we introduced them… when the plan is executed, Nikki and Paulo will be iconic characters on the show.''

Given the rumors swirling around the episode, one wonders if Lindelof is being punny with the word ''execute.'' But whether he means it literally or ironically — or both — here's hoping ''Exposé'' proves to be a truly killer outing.

ATONEMENT FOR PROMISES UNFULFILLED!
A Doc Jensen apology — and some nuggets of penance.

Remember last week, when I told you that the Locke episode would include a subplot about Nikki and Paulo which would serve to set up tonight's episode? Clearly, I was wrong, and I apologize. Like Ben, I believe that maintaining integrity with ''my people'' is important (or at least the illusion of integrity), so I would like to atone for my failings by passing along some tidbits I recently gleaned from The Powers That Be.

Now, it states in the bylaws of the Doc Jensen Charter that this column should not be used for the purpose of reporting spoilers. We gather here every week in the spirit of fun, fellowship, freakiness, and of course, the free doughnuts — you know, just like a church social. So the ''information'' I'm about to pass along from the producers is merely meant to excite or clarify your own theory-making activity, not tell you outright what's going to happen. With that said, here we go:

When Locke was walking away from the submarine last week, he appeared to be soaking wet, despite the fact that we never saw him get into the water. This has led to speculation among fans that Locke didn't actually blow up the sub, but instead, took it out to sea, submerged it, and blew up the dock — all part of a plan to make it appear the submarine was destroyed. The question is this: Are we supposed to be wondering why John Locke was all wet? Intriguingly, Damon Lindelof says: ''No comment.''

Will we see another Locke flashback story again this season? Lindelof: ''Maybe.''

When can we expect further developments in the shocking revelation that Locke's father is on The Island and that The Others have him bound and gagged in a boiler room in Othersville? According to Cuse, the Locke/Daddy arc will pay off in episode 19, which airs on May 2.

DOC JENSEN PREDICTION: That's not Locke's Dad — that's Smokey The Monster, taking yet another human form, à la Kate's horse, Sayid's cat, and Eko's brother Yemi.

In the final moment of ''The Man From Tallahassee,'' when Locke's eyes went wide and he said ''Dad?'' was Lost paying ironic homage to the classic ''Mom?'' moment in J.J. Abrams' other cult-pop classic, Alias? Despite the fact that the episode was written by former Alias scribes Drew Goddard and Jeff Pinkner, Lindelof and Cuse say no homage intended. But the moment was supposed to evoke the memory of another Lost moment — specifically, the episode from season 1 when Jack began seeing visions of his father on The Island and went hunting for his coffin, only to discover that the body was missing. Hmmmm...

Are we supposed to be wondering what happened to the corpse of Jack's dad, or is that fact totally irrelevant? Lindelof: ''Yes, you should be wondering about that.''

A couple of weeks ago, Doc Jensen speculated that the ''Purple Sky Event'' that occurred after The Hatch imploded was an homage to the ''Red Sky Events'' of Crisis On Infinite Earths, a classic comic book series from the 1980s. Any relevancy here? Despite being a legitimate comic-book fanboy, Lindelof says he never read Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Okay. But are we wrong to assume that something significant happened on The Island sky turned purple? Lindelof says, ''Maybe.''

Okay: When will we learn what the hell the ''Purple Sky Event'' actually meant? ''Toward the end of the season, I suspect,'' says Lindelof.

There. I hope we're good now.

LOST CONNECTIONS
A new series offering suggestions for do-it-yourself extracurricular study that could help illuminate the many mysteries of Lost. Today's featured found object:

The Purple Island by Phinneas Fletcher, an allegorical examination of human nature set on ''the isle of man'' and rife with apocalyptic subtext. Send your theories to JeffJensenEW@aol.com.

LOST LINKS
Even more provocative/perplexing Lost scholarship — just a mouseclick away!

Last week, I gave you a link to The Librarian's site... and it didn't work. So we're trying it again this week, accompanied by this ominous one-line theory from The Librarian: ''Locke is ''Him'' and he is unwittingly playing the game.'' Clearly, as the recent Locke-centric episode showed, the perpetual cosmic dupe is being played — but what is ''the game''?

A reader named ''sosolost'' wrote me on behalf of another Lost theorist who goes by the handle ''Psychedelic Relic,'' a name that immediately demands a picture to explain it. (I'm imagining Jerry Garcia.) Mr. Relic — can I call him ''Psyche'' for short? — proposes that Dharma came to The Island to create a mechanism that could divert an asteroid intent on smashing the Earth. Then... something happened. Check out Psyche's well-reasoned postulation here.

J.M. Berger is a very interesting individual who runs a very interesting website, egoplex.com. I can only vouch for his razor-sharp Lost content, which is clearly advertised on his homepage, just in case you're not interested in his investigations into global terrorism. Berger's ''Lost Body Count'' feature is impishly ingenious, though I wish he'd update his ''Dead Theory'' rankings more often.